Wow, I am so sorry I was gone for so long, how is everybody?
Miss me much?
Anyway, I just got back from my home state down in Texas.
Man that brought back memories.
The tree house I wanted to build in the back yard, and the beehive that stopped me.
That time my brother danced on a fire ant colony and was sent to the hospital. (He is allergic to fire ants and is now scared of any bug/ arachnid.)
My "pet" spider that mom killed. (I captured ants and blew them into it's web, it lived under the counter next to the table."
Another spider that dad stepped on and her babies crawled up his leg to attack him.
The baby locks that were just too easy to open. (How could I do that at such a young age?!?)
The forgotten kisses. (They were cookies you left in the oven overnight.)
Jessie. (The stereotypical bully.)
The first time I ever saw snow.
The first time I saw mom eating Santa's cookies.
The time before my brother turned teenager. (He was so sweet!)
Good country music.
Good music. (Feel the rain on your skin!)
My maturation ceremony. (ug, THAT was SO CONFUSING!)
Oh yes, so many memories, they made me what I am today.
And I wouldn't change a thing.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Monday, December 7, 2015
blackout
Hey guys,
I'm sorry this is late, I had a really rough weekend and some family trouble. (Also, I have no idea how to upload pictures from a camera onto a blog, *Sigh* this is pretty much the first attempt at technical stuff Iv'e done." Anyway, everyone in class already saw my blackout thing.
(I turned it into a picture with the words "shrugging off the echoes of my former self.")
To me, that sentence is so true. For some reason or another I can't seem to get my personality right.
I really wish I had a set persona, but I don't. Two years ago I was quiet and stealthy.
I was invisible.
Then I moved to this school with a clean slate, another chance to start over. I say another because this is not the first time I have moved from schools. When I was younger, I didn't get the chance to make very many friends, I kind of took the habit of being antisocial and just sitting in a corner talking to myself, imagining having someone to talk to.
Of course, there were also bullies. If I just went "invisible" they normally wouldn't bother me.
I guess I was fine with it.
Now I get panicky if I am left alone for too long, but I still have an instinct to hide. I almost feel like those words I drew over, wanting so desperately to be read and understood, but hiding behind a wall of darkness.
I'm sorry this is late, I had a really rough weekend and some family trouble. (Also, I have no idea how to upload pictures from a camera onto a blog, *Sigh* this is pretty much the first attempt at technical stuff Iv'e done." Anyway, everyone in class already saw my blackout thing.
(I turned it into a picture with the words "shrugging off the echoes of my former self.")
To me, that sentence is so true. For some reason or another I can't seem to get my personality right.
I really wish I had a set persona, but I don't. Two years ago I was quiet and stealthy.
I was invisible.
Then I moved to this school with a clean slate, another chance to start over. I say another because this is not the first time I have moved from schools. When I was younger, I didn't get the chance to make very many friends, I kind of took the habit of being antisocial and just sitting in a corner talking to myself, imagining having someone to talk to.
Of course, there were also bullies. If I just went "invisible" they normally wouldn't bother me.
I guess I was fine with it.
Now I get panicky if I am left alone for too long, but I still have an instinct to hide. I almost feel like those words I drew over, wanting so desperately to be read and understood, but hiding behind a wall of darkness.
Sunday, November 29, 2015
reveal to my class
Hello, to everyone in my creative writing class,
You know me as,
A person who tries really hard to get everybody to laugh by telling "YO MAMA!" jokes.
The person who goes up to the podium almost every time we have a journal jam to "bring some levity to the classroom and lighten the mood." even though I have terrible anxiety and am hit with stage fright every time.
I get up and sing sometimes, but it's never as good as when I'm alone.
I make various animal calls during class,
but it makes me nervous when everyone looks at me.
Ok... If you don't know who I am by now you have never even come to class ONCE! I mean seriously, anyone who went to the first two journal jams we had would know who I was after reading the third SENTENCE in this post!
In fact, I'm pretty sure most of you stopped reading after fatal sentence no. 3, so to spite all of you, I am now dedicatin' da wreast ov dis blogg 2 totl caossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH MA GAW! TIZ SA BEAUT!
# lol, LOok aT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and Ma bAd selfie!!!!!!!!!!!!!
0.o WTH IZ DIZ MADDDNESSSSSS?!?!?!?
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FEAR MA FACE!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Whew, glad I got THAT out of my system.)
You know me as,
A person who tries really hard to get everybody to laugh by telling "YO MAMA!" jokes.
The person who goes up to the podium almost every time we have a journal jam to "bring some levity to the classroom and lighten the mood." even though I have terrible anxiety and am hit with stage fright every time.
I get up and sing sometimes, but it's never as good as when I'm alone.
I make various animal calls during class,
but it makes me nervous when everyone looks at me.
Ok... If you don't know who I am by now you have never even come to class ONCE! I mean seriously, anyone who went to the first two journal jams we had would know who I was after reading the third SENTENCE in this post!
In fact, I'm pretty sure most of you stopped reading after fatal sentence no. 3, so to spite all of you, I am now dedicatin' da wreast ov dis blogg 2 totl caossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH MA GAW! TIZ SA BEAUT!
# lol, LOok aT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and Ma bAd selfie!!!!!!!!!!!!!
0.o WTH IZ DIZ MADDDNESSSSSS?!?!?!?
THIS
IS
SPARTA
IS
SPARTA
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FEAR MA FACE!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Whew, glad I got THAT out of my system.)
p.s. sorry to anyone who took the time to keep readin' I pretiate it. <--- *my Texas accent*
On paper.
See ya peeps.
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Music
Music.
It can completely change your view on a situation.
It can set the mood.
It can calm you, or give you an impending sense of dread.
Music can be good, music can be the product of evil.
Music can make you consider things you thought you would never do.
Music can lift you'r spirits.
It can bring you down.
Music can crush your spirit, or help heal wounds you've never found.
Music is your's
Mine
His
Her's
Theirs
It can completely change your view on a situation.
It can set the mood.
It can calm you, or give you an impending sense of dread.
Music can be good, music can be the product of evil.
Music can make you consider things you thought you would never do.
Music can lift you'r spirits.
It can bring you down.
Music can crush your spirit, or help heal wounds you've never found.
Music is your's
Mine
His
Her's
Theirs
MUSIC IS OURS!
Music is life.
It is not living.
Music cannot fill the hole in your heart,
nor make you truly happy.
Music is a person.
People like you.
WHAT KIND OF MUSIC
ARE YOU
...
LISTENING TO?
Sunday, November 15, 2015
A poem from my heart
I wrote a letter with my hands that was supposed to be from my heart. (1)
I am talking to myself. (2)
On the page words spilled freely as if I was bleeding instead of drawing up a boring old chart. (1)
I'm going crazy.(2)
Yet as I looked and I read and I pondered, a question rose up in my head. (1)
It cant be...(2)
How can these words be read or spoken by someone who's already DEAD? (1)
How could I? (2)
Even though my soul lives on, my body moves forward and my words are spoken... (1)
no... (2)
My lonely heart refuses to beat because it thinks it's BROKEN. (1)
I refuse. (2)
All the fools come up and say to listen, TO LISTEN, TO LISTEN! (1)
ok... (2)
But a fickle heart such as this refuses to be outspoken.(1)
I get it. (2)
My lonely heart in a sea of people will not call out for it fears (1)
so long (2)
that what it thinks are beautiful words like feathers, will instead be like shears. (1)
good bye (2)
They say there are two types of people, but really there are four billion;
it is hard to fit in or be special, when you are just one in a million. (1)
wait (2)
I'm tired of all this waiting, I'm sick of all this listening.
I'ts time to join mind, body, and spirit,
AND LET ME DO THE TALKING! (1)
My heart does not soar, or take me to higher places.
let my words and my actions be united,
so that I can face all of these faces!
Butterflies begone! I'll not participate in heart races! (1)
I'm back. (2)
My heart can say what it wants now, and I won't take it for granted
but now it is inside of me, where nobody will hear it!
I will not let my emotions get the better of me,
or make a *snap* judgement! (1)
Thank you. (2)
My body is a temple, and a spirit dwells within it.
my heart is not a heavy gold, black and lifeless, or cold.
because my heart is made of diamond, a bigger carat.
no matter how you slice it, mine will never be broken. (1)
Amen. (2)
I am talking to myself. (2)
On the page words spilled freely as if I was bleeding instead of drawing up a boring old chart. (1)
I'm going crazy.(2)
Yet as I looked and I read and I pondered, a question rose up in my head. (1)
It cant be...(2)
How can these words be read or spoken by someone who's already DEAD? (1)
How could I? (2)
Even though my soul lives on, my body moves forward and my words are spoken... (1)
no... (2)
My lonely heart refuses to beat because it thinks it's BROKEN. (1)
I refuse. (2)
All the fools come up and say to listen, TO LISTEN, TO LISTEN! (1)
ok... (2)
But a fickle heart such as this refuses to be outspoken.(1)
I get it. (2)
My lonely heart in a sea of people will not call out for it fears (1)
so long (2)
that what it thinks are beautiful words like feathers, will instead be like shears. (1)
good bye (2)
They say there are two types of people, but really there are four billion;
it is hard to fit in or be special, when you are just one in a million. (1)
wait (2)
I'm tired of all this waiting, I'm sick of all this listening.
I'ts time to join mind, body, and spirit,
AND LET ME DO THE TALKING! (1)
My heart does not soar, or take me to higher places.
let my words and my actions be united,
so that I can face all of these faces!
Butterflies begone! I'll not participate in heart races! (1)
I'm back. (2)
My heart can say what it wants now, and I won't take it for granted
but now it is inside of me, where nobody will hear it!
I will not let my emotions get the better of me,
or make a *snap* judgement! (1)
Thank you. (2)
My body is a temple, and a spirit dwells within it.
my heart is not a heavy gold, black and lifeless, or cold.
because my heart is made of diamond, a bigger carat.
no matter how you slice it, mine will never be broken. (1)
Amen. (2)
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Blue ticket
What is this even for?
Where, on my journey, will I ever have need for a blue ticket that grants me passage to nowhere?
It says "dreams" on the back, but I have told all I know about them. I don't want to remember the things I would rather forget, and I wish that the ones I try so hard to hold on to wouldn't slip from my grasp.
Why is it the good things that are always such fleeting moments?
Why is it, when I so desperately need to remember the good things, I can only recall the bad happenings in my life. If my brain is truly capable of storing all of my memories, then why do I forget? I try not to linger on negative thoughts but the harder I try, the more persistent they become.
Why?
How is it that out of the millions of things going on in my head, my brain decided to pick out that one moment and perseverate on it? I am though with that. I have a million other things that I could, and should, be doing right now instead of writing about a stupid blue ticket that is good for nothing.
I just need to let it go.
Where, on my journey, will I ever have need for a blue ticket that grants me passage to nowhere?
It says "dreams" on the back, but I have told all I know about them. I don't want to remember the things I would rather forget, and I wish that the ones I try so hard to hold on to wouldn't slip from my grasp.
Why is it the good things that are always such fleeting moments?
Why is it, when I so desperately need to remember the good things, I can only recall the bad happenings in my life. If my brain is truly capable of storing all of my memories, then why do I forget? I try not to linger on negative thoughts but the harder I try, the more persistent they become.
Why?
How is it that out of the millions of things going on in my head, my brain decided to pick out that one moment and perseverate on it? I am though with that. I have a million other things that I could, and should, be doing right now instead of writing about a stupid blue ticket that is good for nothing.
I just need to let it go.
Sunday, November 1, 2015
instructions
This is a How To guide,
How To
BE YOURSELF
- Step 1, care, but not too much.
- Step 2, don't be afraid to break social norms.
- Step 3, hiding behind your "perfect" mask is a big no-no.
It's not as easy as other people make it look. If someone says that they just "stopped caring", that probably means that they are actually just trying too hard. Peel back the layers of your personality until you reach the core. Go about it slowly, or else you'll feel raw and defenseless, that's ok, you are not going to just find yourself overnight, your true personality is a process. Reveling yourself too soon will surprise everybody when they are not ready. Like throwing a surprise birthday party for a person who just came back from a funeral. Chances are that they will not be happy, and won't appreciate the thought. Similarly, if you take on a totally different personality than the one you had yesterday, your friends will be surprised and a little upset. Don't worry too much, if you've lived a lie, then rectify it, little by little. patch up everything you broke, and make sure they are ok. Trust me, you will be a lot happier if you live in truth, instead of cowering behind a lie, or being trapped by them.
JUST BE YOURSELF!
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